French Fries are a Lie (a beautiful, beautiful lie)

Hey y’all…how goes it? Good? Great, let’s get to it.

I recently learned something I can’t “un-know” and it’s causing more than a small amount of internal conflict. As you may be aware, I’m a mostly vegan, environmentally minded, documentary obsessed human. A few years ago, I challenged myself to go 60 days on a vegan diet, and guess what?! I liked it so much I decided to go full on vegan (I thought that might have a double meaning, but I Googled it and there’s nothing interesting there, sorry).

As you can imagine, I got a lot of unsolicited advice about how to sustain myself on such a restrictive diet and also make sure I wasn’t shunned from society at social events.

Image result for vegans at parties

One piece of advice for finding something on just about any restaurant menu went something like this: French fries are always vegan. It sounds so nice, doesn’t it? Like the middle part of an almost utopian novel when you just know that things are about to come crumbling to a depressing and final end. Or maybe not, maybe I’m hungry and not thinking clearly.

The point is, I hung onto that advice like a misinformed teenage boys clings to his Axe body spray. It sprayed that shit everywhere. Kids hungry and we have to make a fast food pit stop? FRENCH FRIES! Going out to dinner with friends and not sure what to order besides lame salad? FRENCH FRIES! Someone I know literally just walked past me with a basket of FRENCH FRIES and I’m not even joking. They’re everywhere, and they are a lie.

Let me splain. I had dinner with my family last night at a restaurant which we frequent exactly every Wednesday or Thursday, depending on how much I don’t want to go to the grocery store during the week. I ordered the same thing I always order: veggie burger (which I know is vegan), no mayo, no cheese, and a side of fries. The thoughtful and intuitive waitress asked me if I wanted my bun “un-buttered”. Well of course I did, cause you know, VEGAN! She then shattered my world and shared with me that the oil used to fry their, well, fries, was the SAME OIL THEY FRY FISH IN!!!!

Image result for meme i'm dying

So here I am, left with the choice of knowingly consuming tainted french fries, or giving it a hard pass and sticking to my vegan convictions.

I ate the french fries, y’all.

There’s always tomorrow. Happy Friday!

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