Pushing Forty with No Fs to Give

via Daily Prompt: Finally

Happy (almost!) New Years, everyone! And what a year it’s been…

2017 has brought a lot of opportunity and growth, both personally and professionally. I launched my freelance business, was hired as a project coordinator for a campaign, have landed new freelance clients, and have slowly been shedding extracurriculars so I can focus on those things that are “important.” Yet I’ve found myself so busy meeting external deadlines and doing contract work that there’s never enough time in the day to do all the things I need (and want) to do, like cross-stitch subversive messages and gift them to strangers.

cross stitch
Subversive Cross Stitch: 50 F*cking Clever Designs for your Sassy Side by Julie Jackson https://subversivecrossstitch.com/blog/

If that sounds a little like complaining, that’s because it is.

You see, when I began promoting myself in earnest as a freelance writer, I was so focused on making money (that equals success, right?) that I lost sight of the reason I left a full-time “real job” in the first place – to spend more time with my family, and to write and write and write some more. Not write articles for someone else’s publication, not schedule meetings for someone else’s project, but create for myself, for my own selfish pleasure.

Don’t get me wrong – I LOVE my clients and working in the non-profit industry. It gives me contact with the community and gets me “out there” in the real world in a way that I enjoy, most of the time. But I’m plagued by my inner voice telling me I’m taking on gigs to avoid trying to make it as a real, sho nuff writer…and that’s no bueno!

I’m finally ready to stop with the self-doubt and the self-sabotage that’s plagued me for LITERALLY most of my life and DO ALL THE THINGS!

leslie knope
If you don’t love Leslie Knope, we can’t be friends

I’m no wimp, you guys. I’ve survived sexual assualt, depression, alcoholism, and all the layers of shame and guilt that accompany them. I’ve also reconciled that I’ll always be on the fence about the usefulness of the Oxford Comma. I mean, I’m HUMAN!

I turned 39 this year and I’m determined to make the months leading up to 40 the most awesome-sauce they can be. But I can’t do that by saying “yes” to external expectations or worrying about what anyone thinks about me or what I’m doing. That’s part of the reason I’m being so open about myself in this “professional” blog. I’m pushing forty and have no Fs to give. #Sorrynotsorry

It’s time, y’all…to finally accept that I was put on earth to do more than bide my time and make some dollars and wish I’d taken more risks.

I hope the year ahead brings you everything you’ve been working for (yes, not wishing for, but working for!) Now, get off your ass with me, and let’s do this.

Suck it 2017…you’re history.



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